Asshole of the Century

Friday, September 11, 2009

Renouncing My Faith

After almost 30 years of diligent, if sometimes skeptical, service, I have made the irrevocable decision to renounce the faith of my peers. I am speaking, of course, about the faith into which we were all indoctrinated in our youth, the faith in liberal democracy.

For these past three decades, I have almost always done my civic duty, voting the Democratic party line ever since I was an undergraduate (although I couldn’t bring myself to vote for Rod Blagojevich in the last governor’s race, and I voted Ed Clark for President on the first election when I could cast a ballot, back in 1980, as neither Carter nor Reagan seemed like an acceptable option).

But I’m fed up. Maybe this has been a long time coming, maybe it is a reckoning postponed for the past eight years by the unmitigated disaster of the Bush administration, a national calamity that we were all civically obligated to oppose by any and all means at our disposal, but I no longer can be held captive in the liberal democratic tent (both small and large L and D) by fear alone.

I realize this is a declaration that, combined with my impending move to the suburbs, may get me excluded from all the finest cocktail parties in Andersonville. But, much like many a lapsed Catholic, I have finally grown so tired of the hypocrisy of my religion that I seek to make a clean break.

So, like a Christian is asked to reject the Devil and all his empty promises during baptism, I hereby renounce the tenants of my old faith. I invite you to do the same as I echo the old ritual:

Do you renounce the Democratic Party and all its empty promises?

I renounce it.

Do you renounce modern American liberalism, with its need to creep into every nook and cranny of our private lives, scolding us for eating meat or drinking bottled water, finding new taxes and old causes with which to cudgel the general populace, seeking to mold the planet in its own image, one ordinance at a time?

I renounce it.

Do you renounce a public educational system that stifles creativity, forcing our boys and girls to sit in chairs all day and behave themselves, getting them well practiced at giving the correct answer, a system that resists oddity and enthusiasm unless it fits into the lesson plan?

I renounce it.

Do you renounce a university system that rewards the go-getter and the do-gooder, that confuses a hollow academic consensus with truth, that recognizes the value of almost all cultures other than the Scotch-Irish rednecks and hillbillies, my forebears, the ones who by and large tamed this country, won its wars, and made it a place worth living in?

I renounce this system.

Do you, fellow Chicagoan, renounce a police force that identifies more with the criminal than the citizen, who seems uninterested in enforcing property crime but is voracious in ticketing the working man and then booting his truck, in skimming cream off the top but not enforcing the law?

I renounce it.

Do you renounce a judicial system that is too weak-willed and weepy-eyed to impose justice on the motley lot with which we share our great metropolis, too lazy and dumb to track down the perps of most murders but only too eager to slap the cuffs on the easy targets, such as the violators of our draconian drug laws or those engaged in high profile white collar crime?

I renounce it.

Do you renounce a political class that looks at public service as a hereditary right, rejecting the decentralized origins of our Republic, turning our political capitals into modern versions of ancient Rome, where the patricians debate what’s best for the rest of us between trips to the vomitorium and canoodling in the public baths?

I renounce them.

Do you renounce the government as a massive public works project, where pork barrel projects are handed out to the politically connected and where everyone is guaranteed a job for life and a comfy pension, all on the public’s dime?

I renounce it.

Do you renounce everything you were told to believe, out of hand, be it right or wrong, if for no other reason than to get a new lease on life and to quit behaving like a well-trained seal?

Yes, I renounce everything I have been told to believe.

So, where does that leave us? For one, I hereby christen myself an urban libertarian, never to look back on the safe harbor of knee-jerk liberalism. I live in the city, not a cave in the wilderness, so I expect a government that will protect its people from the ravages of laissez faire capitalism, to keep our prescription drugs safe and our water clean. I look for a government that will expand and then maintain a reliable public transportation network, that will do its best to see that all of our children have a shot at a decent education. I believe in public parks, and public roads, and public safety. So I remain eager to contribute to the commonweal but am unwilling to be its slave.

I want my government to rescind its claim on vast tracts of our public landscape. I want it to quit trying to bamboozle the people with a hollow egalitarianism whenever it needs to justify another power grab. I think one reason academics and politicians have reached an understanding is that most of them are like children, counting on the government to give us everything we need, as most of them have never had to balance a budget or meet a payroll. To them, government is like a benign sugar daddy, handing out candy and watching out for the weak. But that thinking is a trap, man. It’s poison. It’s the reason why our founding fathers revolted from the motherland. It’s the reason my family has fought and died for this country untold times over the past 200 years. And they did not shed their blood just so America could become yet another nation of semi-informed busy bodies, another council tenancy.

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